ok well just scraped in the kilo today, in fact made it 1.2 kilos. I've had a difficult week mentally. I hired a sleep apnea machine yesterday and it didn't work at all for me, in fact it woke me up more, then after wearing it for 3 hours I took it off. And stayed away until 4.30am. So big fail here which sucks!
I went out yesterday to visit my mothers group mums which was lovely. There are 3 of us that have stayed in contact nearly 16 years on. I am lucky to have such supportive friends (in fact all of my friends have been wonderful) as Karen told me what she was making, a Greek Salad and pastries. I took along my tin of tuna and happily ate her salad, plus another that Liesl took, both of which had dressings on the side which I could leave. They were both delicious, something I never thought I would say of a salad, which shows that my tastes are changing and I am appreciating things that I can have instead of craving the things I can't.
I was speaking to my friend Cel about it last night. I remember one of the times I gave up smoking, I went to a place called Smoke-enders. Their motto was 'One Will Hurt'. And it is so true in everything we do. One ciggie did hurt, one alcoholic drink did hurt, one row of chocolate does hurt. Not hurt in the traditional sense of the word, just that it fools you into thinking it was ok. I know in the past, I could sneak a bit of choccy or have a pizza night and have a loss still. This would make me think that I got away with it, that it would be ok to do it again when clearly it wasn't. I would then either not lose weight or put it back on, feel guilty and ashamed, and go off of my plan altogether. Similarly with smoking when I would go out and bot a few cigarettes from a friend and not want to smoke again all week. I would think I could social smoke, then I'd find all sorts of excuses to see my smoking friend again. ONE WILL HURT. It fools you into thinking it's ok to do it again. I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not now. Even with my souvlaki slip, I factored it in, I decided to have it and planned how I would minimize the damage. I would absolutely love to do it again, and it would probably be ok again, but the mental games might start again, the 'I still lost weight so I can do it again next week' and I don't want to do that, I want to continue with how I am going. So I'm not going down that path again, because I need to change and that's not changing, that's slipping backwards which is what made me 30 kilos overweight in the first place.
I hope I have the energy to continue my training this week. Rapid Loss kindly sent me a Rapid Loss T-Shirt to wear on my run/stagger. I think I'll put it on today to train, that will spur me on!
Sooo..... here's what you've all been waiting for! The first one is this week, the second one is last week. I feel rather rounded in the gut this week, quite bloated, but my knickers stretching further shows me that I have indeed lost more weight. In fact looking at them, my side on makes my gut look even bigger but my front one looks better. I guess it just depends on the day, hormones, bodily actions, moods. And my boobs don't seem to have shrunk much at all so far which I am happy about!