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Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Back on the downwards track - 95.2 kgs

Still nearly at the elusive 10, no reasons not to now, not taking nurofen, drinking decaf coffee and decaf green tea and bought new scales. So all good. Just have to get into exercising more and I'll be great!
I had an interesting day yesterday. I had been to a clinic called MAPRC which specialises in menopause, hormones and depression. I went last year after a 4 month wait. It's free to get in to because it's a research centre and they do trials, it's run by the Alfred hospital. Anyway, it was an awkward time as it was just two weeks after my dad had died and the questionnaire that I had to fill out as pertaining to how I had felt in the prior two weeks. I explained my situation and said I'd have to answer as if it were six weeks beforehand. I was on an anti depressant at the time, I had been off HRT for 6 months, I had the sweats still which were being somewhat controlled by a blood pressure medication. I agreed to start a blind trial of tibolone, said to be a newer version of HRT without all of the nasty side effects, and safe to be on for about 10 years if successful. It sounded wonderful so off I went, receiving my three months worth in the mail. And it didn't do anything. After a month and a half I asked in my weekly review calls if I could be unblinded, that it wasn't doing anything and for some reason my sweats were even worse. I would say now that it had more to do with my stress levels that anything else. Anyway, it seemed I was getting the placebo which was a bugger. I also had a hormone blood test done which shows which anti depressants are ok for your body and hormones as I was still concerned about how heavy I was.
We agreed that I would wean off of the one I was on, have a three week turnaround where I would be covered by diazepam, then go on to the next one. The problem I had was that one of the reasons I had gone on this particular one in the first place was because of insomnia and during my weaning off that had already returned. Other than that though, when I went back to the doctors, I felt fantastic. I got the new script, stupidly filled it, took one tablet, and went home and checked the side effects. And found that insomnia was the main side effect! I also had an incredibly dry mouth, something that was listed as another. I decided then that as I had to go back to MAPRC anyway, I would hold off taking any more as other than not sleeping properly I was feeling much better mentally. Not as angry as I had done and calmer. And I still had diazepam and the new medication if I really felt I wasn't coping.
The Professor at the clinic yesterday listened as I told her what had been going on. They're amazing because they are coming up with breakthroughs that aren't known yet in the medical world. She said that there is something called (and don't quote me on the wording here) Menopause induced depression, that can start to occur up to five years before peri menopausal symptoms start to appear. If you are treated with anti depressants for this it helps the symptoms, but can make your anger and rages much, much worse! If put onto the correct type of HRT then the treatment will work much better. She noticed that even as we talked I was slightly sweating. I told her how I had been losing weight, how I had had a lull last week and as I don't have a proper cycle as such, couldn't tell if it was to do with hormones or not. She suggested going on the tibolone for real, it is calming, it evens out your changes hormonally and will help me sleep better. She also gave me a script for a different type of melatonin, perfectly natural, but one that is specifically for menopausal women and works to regulate your sleeping patterns. So I left there feeling like I had reasons for the way I've been feeling for so long.
As usual, having quite a low self esteem (yes it's true), I blamed myself for being a shit mum/wife, just as when I feel ill I blame myself for letting myself get so out of shape. I've been off the antis for a few months now, and I've felt much nicer, much calmer, so hopefully the Tibolone will enhance that, I know she said it will give me more energy which I don't have at all. Of course doing the Rapid Loss has pumped me up, feeling better, lots of good stuff in the shakes, and doing the blog, feeding my ego/fame desire!
And I'd like to add, I was really bloody good all day even though I was out for the whole day. I made my shake for lunch and put the shaker in one of those insulated bags, making sure I took it inside with me to the clinic. I had an apple for morning tea, then my shake,  then walked around the shops in the afternoon, I had lots to do. And didn't once fancy the usual dimmy that I buy when I'm there. Or the cinnamon donuts that I favour. So a good positive day all round!

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