Hi, welcome to my blog. I'm Sarah (just in case you didn't guess by the title!) and
I'm hoping to not only share my story with you over the next few
months but to shed a few kilos and unblock some mental issues that I
seem to have with food. 2015 is my year I've decided. In a good way.
2014 seemed to be my year but for all things crap. With two major
deaths in the family it was my annus horribilus. I don't think I've
ever been so relieved to see the new calendar year flip over and look
forward to the exciting possibilities it will bring with it.
As a 48 year old
mother of three I decided to go back to school last year. I left in
the beginning of form 5. This is year 11 for those who aren't as
ancient as me. I worked for a while and spent my 20s pissed as a fart
and smoking away my wages, sure that it was the way I was going to
meet Mr Right. All I had ever wanted to do was be married with kids.
Eventually I married a friend of the family, somebody I had known for
years. I stopped pretending not to be the gutter mouth lover of farts
woman that I really am and Paul loved me anyway. I was 30 when we
married and by the time I finished having our kids I was 39. I found
motherhood challenging to put it mildly. My oldest Beth has autism.
She's a fabulous nearly 16 year old, very assured of her beauty and
her brains which I love. Bill is 13 this month, a sensitive soul, he
is entering puberty with an attitude but he is my rock and actually
seems to give a shit if I'm having a crap day which there's been a
few of lately. Bridie is 10 and, despite Beth's autism, my most
challenging child. She has extremely high anxiety and is pretty full
on but she's my loving child, still wanting to hold my hand and still
calls me Mummy which I LOVE.
I went back to study
last year after not being able to find work anywhere. They don't seem
to want 48 year olds who haven't worked in paid employment for 16
years. I'm studying counselling. I run an autism support group and a
friend suggested doing something along those lines. I wish I had gone
back to study earlier, I am enjoying it so much.
As far as me
personally, I have what I have termed an addictive personality. I do
things to excess, unfortunately they're all bad for me. When I smoked
I was a pack a day girl, that was unless I was going to the pub or
out with friends, then it was usually two packs, even three at times.
I even bought extras for the friends who didn't think ahead and
thought it would be ok to bot off of me, the fear of running out was
so big.
I was the same with
drinking. Starting when I was 14 it was literally a 'hello old
friend' moment. I loved to drink and I drank big. I would take three
bottles of champagne for myself if I went out. I stopped drinking on
my 40th birthday when I got so pissed that I couldn't
remember the party from the night before. At the end I was drinking 2
x 4 litre casks a week, plus beers during the day if I wasn't driving
anywhere. I knew I had to stop but being a party girl didn't think
I'd get through my 40th dry. For me it was the best
decision physically that I've ever made. I didn't want my kids seeing
that alcohol was for getting pissed on all the time which was what I
saw at parties we had as kids.
So that left food.
And more food. I think I've been on diets most of my adult life. I
look at photos of myself with my hand over my tummy, hiding my bulge,
and think “seriously, you were tiny!” I'm sure many of us are
guilty of that. But now it's out of control. I used to be at my
heaviest around 80 kilos. I'm tall mind you. My “correct weight
range” was between 68 and 76kgs, a fairly wide range. I'd lose
weight then go right back up to 80 if I stopped trying. Or started
drinking again. Last time I got down to 68 kilos. I looked fabulous.
It was ridiculous. I became a lifetime member of the weight loss
group that I was in at the time. As long as I didn't go 2 kilos over
my goal weight I could go for free. I'm so stupid with things like
that. I liken it to my relationship with credit cards. I don't see
how much I owe, I see how much I have to spend still. So I thought “I
can eat whatever the hell I like and as long as I'm back down under
that 2 kilos before my next weigh in I'll be ok.” And of course
then I wasn't. And I was embarrassed and ashamed and felt like I was
a total idiot. And I binged and binged and binged. And now I'm over
100 kilos. I wake in the morning and my joints ache. I get more back
pain than ever before. I get out of breath doing pretty much
anything. I feel like shit. It's gone beyond wanting to just look
good, I want to feel healthy. I think my problem is that when I was
at 80 kilos and wanting to lose weight I would start to look
different within a few weeks, it didn't take me long. I can commit to
a healthy eating plan. Now I'm 20 kilos over that. This time around
I'm not going to go for such a silly weight. Maybe if I always went
back to 80, that's what I'm meant to be? I'd be happy with that now.
The plan I am doing
is not for everybody but it is for me for now. It combines my love of
a challenge and my need to lose weight. And the possibility of fame
as you get to go on an ad if you win the challenge! I'm going to use
weight loss shakes combined with a healthy eating plan. I know there
are lots of opinions about shakes and I get that but I'm needing a
big kick up the arse to get started. I write a blog about my daughter
too, I love a little bit of fame and following so doing it this way
is right for me. I'm using the Rapid Loss shakes as I've dabbled in using them before and I love the taste, and then really do keep me full.
So I hope you'll
join me in my journey? My successes and my stuff ups of which I'm
sure there'll be many. I'll post the embarrassing photos so I'll
apologise in advance if they offend you but I promise you they will
only get better. I figure this is who I am and I'm putting it all out there, warts and all!
Hi Sarah! Thank you for being so honest. I'm in this with you I've been talking about losing weight for most of my adult life (and had some success) but I just want it done so I can enjoy the rest of my life. It really does effect most areas of life on a day to day basis. So let's get this weight loss journey going 🍀
ReplyDeletesounds good to me, it's the year for it. Good luck!
DeleteWell done Sarah! You are an inspiration. Thank you always for your honesty, courage and brilliant sense of humor. Looking forward to reading more - good luck!
ReplyDeletethankyou so much, onwards and upwards! xx
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