Sabotage

I feel like I've been sabotaging myself this week. With just over a week to go I've not been good at all . If you include cappuccino, which you should, I've snacked about 3 times this week whereas I've barely done this at all through the whole challenge, maybe 2 cappuccinos in the whole time? I even had a small piece of hedgehog, something I haven't done at all. I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would either, though at the time it was lovely. It didn't make me want more though so I saw that as a good sign.

I did silly things like having pizza. I had 3 slices. We've had pizza twice since I started the challenge and normally I get a medium for Paul and I have 2 pieces. Of vegetarian. With ham. This time I thought I'd order marinara which a) meant no veggies and b) meant that the toppings were more scarce, meaning it had shitloads of cheese on it. And it was a large meaning the pieces were bigger yet didn't fill me up because there was no substance.  And it wasn't very nice either, quite floppy and too greasy, it made me feel quite ill. I hate it when that happens, if I have to pay the price weight wise for eating the wrong foods, I should at least be able to enjoy it!

I wasn't going to write on here about my slip ups then I thought it's all part of the journey, I can't just write the good bits so I just thought I'd get it all out here.

I had my surgeon appointment this week. They call him the Professor. He looked nothing like my professor, the one I had a crush on from Gilligan's Island. Nothing at all. He told me that I will go deaf in my right ear. I was worried about paralysis as I had been told there is a 1 in 3 chance of this happening, and out of those odds a 10 - 15% chance of it being permanent. It scared the crap out of me. He tells me that there certainly is a high likelihood of it happening but that unless the nerve is completely severed (something he has never done) it will not be permanent. Could be up to 2 years but I can cope with that. I don't want to cope with that at all, but I can still have a bit of a laugh, and hang shit on myself which I am good at doing, if I know it wont last forever. He said it will be a very long operation, up to 12 hours. There is an ear/nose and throat surgeon who will be tag teaming him. Professor will do his bit, the other guy will do a bit, professor will come back. He said you can't do a really long op like that without a break. Clearly he didn't watch Amelia Shepherd performing brain surgery for 18 hours on Grey's Anatomy the other night. He said they'd have to take a bit of fat from my tummy to put up there for some reason, maybe to act as some sort of poly filler? He could have told me that 20 kilos ago. Though if he had used it all I'd look a bit elephant manny on my head so probably just as well.

Because of my numerous slip ups this week I thought I'd do the 48 hour detox. Normally you'd do this at the beginning but of course I don't do things the normal way. I started it this morning and don't think I can continue. It's just so sweet! I wonder if I wouldn't have thought this had I done it at the beginning instead? Having a bit of nausea anyway doesn't help either. So I'll just have to face facts, I need to pull the finger out and do better this weekend, and I probably wont lose anyway. And it serves me right. I certainly plan on coming back good though, I have a week until the end of the challenge, I have to get back on track so that I don't fall in a heap once the competition is over, I still have more to lose!