Amazing the difference a year makes! What a huge year I've had. I realised that I had been on Rapid Loss for a year; not only because I did remember starting in the school holidays but because my facebook memory told me so that made it true. Posts from my blog shares came up in my memories and it was actually really nice to look back at them and see how far I've come. Long before a tumour was even mentioned to me, back when I had started due to such a shitty year before of the deaths of my dad and my aunty (and our cat, our neighbour and an old friend; in that order.) Back when I wanted to control something in my out of control life. I am so looking forward to seeing how this year pans out, health wise, work and study wise, kids wise. My oldest is doing a cooking course for vcal at her school, my middle is going into year 8 and my youngest is going into year 6. Thanks to hormones and (unspoken) fear of high school next year I think we're in for a big year with her. The positives are; back to study, hopefully get a part time job, finding out if any of my lovely forum buddies are in the finalists of our challenge and a day trip to the city for the family to see Sound of Music in May. I'm rather excited about that one! My 14 year old is looking forward to going, he's not looking forward to the obligatory cd buy of the songs that we will play over and over again, singing at the top of our voices. I think Mary Poppins scarred him....
I know this isn't for everybody and great, if you're not wanting to read about my journey then that's fine. No doubt if you don't you wont be reading this anyway. I'm doing it for those who have encouraged me along the way and those who get where I'm coming from and the horrid battle that we have with ourselves every day, when we look in the mirror, when we put food in our mouths that we know isn't good for us but we do it anyway. When we watch Biggest Loser and, at the beginning tell ourselves that at least we're not that big so we don't have issues. When we watch the finale with a bowl of icecream saying that of couse they can lose weight, they've been in a house with trainers and not real life. And get more depressed because it's not us. I get all of that because I've been there/done that. Just because I've lost the weight doesn't mean I don't still feel like that, that I don't have to consciously watch what I do ALL the time. Because it will always be something I have to watch. I love food, especially the crappy stuff. I love pizza. I love chocolate. I love bacon. I love Indian and Chinese and pancakes and chocolate chip hot cross buns. But I can have some of these now if I plan for it. And exercise regularly. So I apologize if I'm OTT about this but hey that's me. Look away if you don't want to know about it.
Anyway... although no more weight has been lost (I'm still half a kilo away from goal) I have shown myself that if eating sensibly most of the time and exercising frequently I can keep at a steady weight and not put the weight back on. Of course if you are wanting to lose weight that wont work, but maintenance is when you can put all you have learnt into practice and dip your foot back in to the world of food that we as humans have created. And it's not the best world either I have discovered. Packet mixes, additives, easy meals, no wonder we have ballooned as a nation with all the shit that goes into our food that we don't really know about. Not that I don't use that stuff anymore, I am just mindful of balance for myself and my family. I had gotten into the habit (especially in the dreaded 2014) of 'if it's easy it'll do' as I couldn't be bothered feeding myself, let alone my family. Not properly anyway. Now my kids are older they've got into cooking a little bit. My son made a Japanese raw tuna dish on Sunday for dinner and it was delicious! I was so surprised as his version of cooking was omelette over and over and over again. Suddenly he came up with the idea and he did such a good job. My youngest is more into baking but my oldest, doing a cooking class, will hopefully add to her range of foods she eats and maybe even cooks for us.
The main thing I've kept up these holidays is going to the gym. My kids are at a good age that I can leave them at home for an hour while I go. Mainly though I go first thing in the morning. And by first thing I mean at 6.15am. I have realised that I really enjoy it, something I thought I never would. It's hard to believe that I only really started in November. I had been a couple of years ago but not like this. I'm upping the intensity, doing high interval intensity training. This means short bursts of running at high speeds (for me) much heavier weights but less reps and faster periods on the cross trainer, bike and rowing machine. I make myself go some mornings, such as today. I didn't want to go, I had nobody to go with and I haven't sorted my music out on my phone yet so I knew it would be boring. I didn't feel the best thanks to a revolting pizza I ate last night for my son's birthday choice. It was good to realise that though, that it was my own choices that made me feel sluggish and as always I worked through it, so glad I had been and feeling so much better for it. I wrote a list about why I know I love the gym now, for the rapid loss forum so I'll share it with you. I'll also share the photo of me 'flexing my muscles' for Bridie in my new dress. Today I could actually see them flexing mind you so I might have to do another! I've also added my very first photo, one I thought I had lost but in my panic asked if Rapid Loss still had it. And the lovely Amal sent it to me to ease my panic of not qualifying for the comp if I didn't have it. Here's the list :
1) I have callouses on my hands since I’ve upped my weights. And I like them….
2) When running on the treadmill this morning I finally realised why people put their towels over the display. I was spraying droplets of sweat
3) It’s my son’s birthday so I went really early before he would wake up so I didn’t miss any of it. In the olden days I wouldn’t have bothered because – you guessed it – it was my son’s birthday! In fact what the hell, it’s his birthday this week so we’ll be celebrating all week so can’t go then. And will restart next week. (Still the old me talking)
4) I know some other gym members by names that I only know from the gym
5) I know the staff members names. And (even more exciting) they know mine! (I have a little fantasy dialogue going in my head that each time I come in they look at me in wonder at how often I come and that I’m an inspiration to other grey haired and (used to be) bigger ladies.
6) My legs feel like led and I shake as I walk home. And it feels fantastic!
7) I look at the classes list and consider when I can fit them in, instead of thinking that they’re for fitter, more experienced gym junkies
8) I embrace my exhaustion when it’s from the gym because I know I deserve it
9) I know when I have something big on that I am best to go to the gym as it gives me energy for the day ahead (go figure, that sounds bizarre even as I write it, but it’s true!)
10) I know that when I am sore (in a good ‘I’ve worked out’ way, going to the gym will not compound that soreness but ease it if I work through it. I just figured that one out this morning! Last week I didn’t go for a few days and I was sore all week, ending up stiff. This morning I was really sore but feel pretty good now after going to the gym.
11) I just got my new intimo order and out of the 3 things I received the first one I tried on was my new high impact sports bra! It’s perfect! (PS I just wore this to the gym and I can really notice the difference when running, it's fabulous!)