Well I've gotten down to 80 kilos which I am very proud of. 25 kilos lost, 5 kilos to go. At this point in time I'm happy to maintain that. Who would have thought at the beginning of this year that I would say I had lost 25 kilos!
I started this journey to try and get some semblance of control in my life. I've lost lots of family, more than anybody should at 48. My mum when I was 13, my brother when I was 20, they were the major ones, the ones who were part of my childhood, part of what makes me me. Other family and friends over the years, I spent my years very sad and drunk, trying to meet Mr Right and establish my own family. Struggles with alcohol dependency, high cigarette usage, the occasional hash cookie or bong, it could have been much worse but it was bad enough. I married Paul and our 3 babies came along, then I had found what I was missing. The love I had for my mum, my all consuming grief over her passing had eased with the love I had of my own children.
Despite my oldest - Beth - having autism and my youngest - Bridie - having high anxiety, (our middle child is Bill) our live has been lovely, the usual money troubles, arguments and parenting squabbles are there of course but for the most part I've felt blessed with a beautiful family and wonderful friends.
Last year I started studying after not being able to get a job, counselling. I want to be a case worker when I grow up and counselling is the start to living my dream. It was a hard year last year. My study was fabulous but my aunty died in February and she was the mum to me after my own mum died. She looked after us, she was at my sister's kids births, she was my mother of the bride, she was a wonderful woman. Then my dad died in August. It was just awful, the worst adult year of my life. I deferred my studies as dad was sick before he passed so obviously I couldn't concentrate, could barely function.
By the end of 2014 I decided that 2015 would be wonderful, I just had to get to the end of the year. I started my rapid loss program at the beginning of January and I didn't look back. I started the journey at 105 kilos, bigger than I'd ever been in my life. I decided I would make it my focus, that and finishing my diploma. My weight was something I could choose to change, something I had control over. And I have, for the most part I have. The challenge was for 16 weeks and during that time I lost 22 kilos, 3 kilos since it ended. My goal is to get to 75 kilos and I will get there.
My regular readers know but I'll share it anyway. At week 10 a benign brain tumour was discovered. For fucks sakes, what more! I will be having it removed in 2 weeks and 2 days. On the 24th of June. I decided to keep going with my weight loss, after all, it didn't make me not big, having a brain tumour. And I would be in a great position for surgery. After giving up smoking in 2001 and drinking in 2006 my weight has been my only big issue. I've had other friends discover tumours and worse during this time and it just shows me, for the first time really, how mortal I am, how I am not invincible. I am 50 next year, I can't wait to start my second half century feeling fabulous.
I have decided however that it's time to take a break. I did my challenge and lost most of my weight and will continue on with the lessons I've learnt with the fabulous Rapid Loss program. I have made some lovely friends on the way and have really gained so much from the staff and the other forum participants. My challenge is over for the time being now and my next challenge is to get this stupid tumour out of my head. I'm feeling like crap most of the time at the moment, I have shocking headaches and I am rather dizzy a lot. So I am giving myself a rest and letting myself just be. Sadly I'm one of those people who seems to put weight on in hospital seeing as I love hospital food! But I think it will be different this time. They say I may not even want to eat for 3 or so days as I'll be laid up for over a week, then another week in a rehab facility. I am glad I lost my weight of my own accord. I did it because I worked hard, I ate well and I persevered. Not because I am not well but despite it. So if anybody is reading this and thinking they can't do it, I am proof that if you really want to, you can. You are in control of this. Maybe not other things, but you can control this. You have to be in the right head space, that's an absolute must, but if you want it, grab it.
Thanks for reading. It really has meant the world to me to have your support and friendship, comments and encouragement. I will be back after the operation, letting you know how I am doing with my sexy new scar. See you on the flip side! xxx
Sunday, 7 June 2015
Monday, 1 June 2015
Week 4 after competition ends, 80.4 kilos - 0.5 kilos lost this week
It's weekly weigh in time so I thought I'd continue on and pop my photos up. I've lost 0.5 kilos this week so pretty happy with that seeing as I've been pretty naughty this week.
I've realised a few things. One of them is that I must have eaten crap all the time before starting on rapid loss. I really was unconsciously filling my face with so many foods that weren't good for me. It's a battle to mentally have to say no as my desire to have these foods is still there to an extent. Often I don't want them but habit tells me that I do. Also, being on stage 3 is lovely, but it also means that a lot of the decisions are up to me. I like this as it gives me flexibility, but I have to not push the boundaries, just because I can have something doesn't mean that I should. It would be so easy to slip back in to my old ways but I know that would give me no control anymore, something that I am enjoying now. I also mean that I would put weight on again and I just don't think I could cope with that again. I WILL make this the last time I have to go through this struggle, and I have to accept that this means having to look at things and act differently from now on. I don't have to be an all or nothing person, I can have my treats but reign myself in. The old me wants to just pig out at times though but by George she won't win!
The challenge deadline has been extended for the competition so now people have until November to start the program. The end date was originally last week. People who started are allowed to have a second chance try. I guess we've all been there, thought we could do something and things have gotten in the way and it hasn't worked out the way we hoped. I do like that people who have done the challenge already, who have more to lose, can enter more than once. They are in the competition anyway and it really does give you the boost you need to keep going. Writing it on the contestant dashboard, you date and your current photo. I'm a tad disappointed at the extension though. I've done things by the book and have been really proud of myself, I was looking forward to October 12th to find out if I would be in the finalists going to Fiji. I guess next year would be good though, I am turning 50 so it would be a great treat for myself!
I'm still waiting for my op. 3 weeks tomorrow. I can't wait to have it over and done with. One of my best friends had a tumour removed 2 weeks ago and she's doing so well. I plan on having a similar outcome. I went to IKEA yesterday with some of the school mums which was lovely. I did have a big cooked breakfast but was a good girl afterwards, having the chicken salad for lunch, and a shake for dinner. Getting back on track really is the key. Oh and it was lovely, I got pushed around in a wheelchair, feeling like Lady Muck, it really is the only way to go!
Here's my photos for this week. It's funny, in the shower this morning I was already looking down and thinking how big my tummy looked. Then I look at it from the side in the mirror and it's really not. Funny how our minds tell us the shit stuff instead of the good stuff! Not sure how they'll look but let's see. I'll put the first week in too, just because it always makes me feel good! So, this week (with a surprise visitor, my daughter's cat - Dwight), last week and the first week.
I've realised a few things. One of them is that I must have eaten crap all the time before starting on rapid loss. I really was unconsciously filling my face with so many foods that weren't good for me. It's a battle to mentally have to say no as my desire to have these foods is still there to an extent. Often I don't want them but habit tells me that I do. Also, being on stage 3 is lovely, but it also means that a lot of the decisions are up to me. I like this as it gives me flexibility, but I have to not push the boundaries, just because I can have something doesn't mean that I should. It would be so easy to slip back in to my old ways but I know that would give me no control anymore, something that I am enjoying now. I also mean that I would put weight on again and I just don't think I could cope with that again. I WILL make this the last time I have to go through this struggle, and I have to accept that this means having to look at things and act differently from now on. I don't have to be an all or nothing person, I can have my treats but reign myself in. The old me wants to just pig out at times though but by George she won't win!
The challenge deadline has been extended for the competition so now people have until November to start the program. The end date was originally last week. People who started are allowed to have a second chance try. I guess we've all been there, thought we could do something and things have gotten in the way and it hasn't worked out the way we hoped. I do like that people who have done the challenge already, who have more to lose, can enter more than once. They are in the competition anyway and it really does give you the boost you need to keep going. Writing it on the contestant dashboard, you date and your current photo. I'm a tad disappointed at the extension though. I've done things by the book and have been really proud of myself, I was looking forward to October 12th to find out if I would be in the finalists going to Fiji. I guess next year would be good though, I am turning 50 so it would be a great treat for myself!
I'm still waiting for my op. 3 weeks tomorrow. I can't wait to have it over and done with. One of my best friends had a tumour removed 2 weeks ago and she's doing so well. I plan on having a similar outcome. I went to IKEA yesterday with some of the school mums which was lovely. I did have a big cooked breakfast but was a good girl afterwards, having the chicken salad for lunch, and a shake for dinner. Getting back on track really is the key. Oh and it was lovely, I got pushed around in a wheelchair, feeling like Lady Muck, it really is the only way to go!
Here's my photos for this week. It's funny, in the shower this morning I was already looking down and thinking how big my tummy looked. Then I look at it from the side in the mirror and it's really not. Funny how our minds tell us the shit stuff instead of the good stuff! Not sure how they'll look but let's see. I'll put the first week in too, just because it always makes me feel good! So, this week (with a surprise visitor, my daughter's cat - Dwight), last week and the first week.
Monday, 25 May 2015
Week 3 after comp, 80.9 - 1.1 kilos down this week
No doubt as my weight is still going down I shall be starting each blog post with how excited I am! Especially this close to the end. I guess because I'm not going all the way down to the middle of my weight range, rather sticking at the top end, it will still be fairly consistent. When I went to weight watchers all those years ago I got down to 68 kilos which was so hard to maintain. That's when the disappointment hits; you can't stick to anything, you may as well eat anyway as you can't do it, all the shitty things we tell ourselves to confirm that we're not worth it, that we're not good enough to look good. Well I'm telling myself that's bullshit this time. And that being 68 kilos is ridiculous for a 48 1/2 year old woman (49 in 7 weeks actually but who's counting) who loves to enjoy her social life and her food. 75 kilos I shall be and I shall rock it. Skinny just isn't for me. It's not like I am planning to wear bikinis on my trip to Fiji anyway, thought the dresses have been getting shorter again!
The exciting thing also is that it only seems like yesterday when I was at this bridge between the big numbers. Last time it was between 90 and 89 and I was so excited to finally see myself in the 80s. Now it's the 70s I'm looking forward to, then I'm on the home stretch!
I had a bit of excitement on the weekend. Needing new bras thanks to my incredible shrinking frame, I decided I'd have another Intimo party before my operation. I'm sure I wont be feeling like one afterwards for a while. A friend can't come to the party, and as she's never had a fitting, we went off to my lovely consultant and friend's house Lois to fit her. While we were there I decided to check out my favourite part of my body and have a fitting too. My boobs haven't shrunk hardly at all! Where I was a 40FF before, I am now a 34F. Now I know I still have 6 kilos to go (5.9 actually) but I'm nearly there. Hopefully will be pretty much there by the time my party rolls around on the 15th of June. How bloody exciting. In case you hadn't realised in previous posts, I do love my boobs so I'm happy to keep them big.
I'm also excited because I wrote a little article for a fabulous website called Champagne Cartel, all about my tumour. They've published it so here's a link.
Now for the photos. This week is first. I put a painting I'd done years ago on the toilet, just for my cousin Kerry! It was made with real sand for the sand and I cut out an old pair of bathers to make it look like real bathers.
The exciting thing also is that it only seems like yesterday when I was at this bridge between the big numbers. Last time it was between 90 and 89 and I was so excited to finally see myself in the 80s. Now it's the 70s I'm looking forward to, then I'm on the home stretch!
I had a bit of excitement on the weekend. Needing new bras thanks to my incredible shrinking frame, I decided I'd have another Intimo party before my operation. I'm sure I wont be feeling like one afterwards for a while. A friend can't come to the party, and as she's never had a fitting, we went off to my lovely consultant and friend's house Lois to fit her. While we were there I decided to check out my favourite part of my body and have a fitting too. My boobs haven't shrunk hardly at all! Where I was a 40FF before, I am now a 34F. Now I know I still have 6 kilos to go (5.9 actually) but I'm nearly there. Hopefully will be pretty much there by the time my party rolls around on the 15th of June. How bloody exciting. In case you hadn't realised in previous posts, I do love my boobs so I'm happy to keep them big.
I'm also excited because I wrote a little article for a fabulous website called Champagne Cartel, all about my tumour. They've published it so here's a link.
Now for the photos. This week is first. I put a painting I'd done years ago on the toilet, just for my cousin Kerry! It was made with real sand for the sand and I cut out an old pair of bathers to make it look like real bathers.
Friday, 22 May 2015
81.6 kilos
So far this week I've lost .4 of a kilo. Pretty happy with that, I'd be happy with a half a kilo a week now, or even maintaining. While I'm doing stage 3 I can make healthy food choices, it's really only dinner that is an issue. I have my weetbix in the morning and my shake as one meal, a healthy alternative as another. I had soup for lunch yesterday so when cooking the kids dinner last night just had a little bit of meat for some protein and a shake to tide me by.
I bought a lovely new dress this week. My friend was selling it on a buy/swap and sell site and I loved the look of it. As it was hers I was surprised that it fitted me but I really like how it looks. I'm really starting to notice the next stage in my weight loss now. My tummy can look flattish with my sucky in pants, my chin is no longer quadruple no matter what I do. I can't believe I only have 6 1/2 kilos to go to my goal, it's flown and dragged at the same time.
A new member joined the rapid loss forum yesterday and it was almost like reading a story about myself. Not her personal story, but her weight loss one. Having lost a lot of weight and getting loads of compliments she stalled before reaching goal. I am similar. In the past I would start a weight loss challenge at this weight. Now I think I look pretty good, but I know it's also in comparison to what I looked like at the beginning of the year. I also know I probably look much better at this weight than before because I've been eating really healthy to get down to here, rather than eating really crappy to get up to here! I want to finish, another thing to tick off the list. She also talked about how embarrassing it is to see people who had seen her lose weight the last time, thinking that they must be saying to themselves 'she put it all back on again.' I hear you sister. Aint gonna happen this time!
Speaking of lists, I was very excited to get my Dad's piano delivered yesterday. I have discovered my arty side in my 40s, doing art class which I love and writing my blogs. I've always wanted to learn the piano though. Dad had lessons in his 60s and I am starting mine on Tuesday! I can't wait. I have a very long bucket list, I know I wont be one of those people who never has anything to do because I'm always wanting to learn more. Learning to swim, and eventually to surf are on my list too. I feel that I am in such a good place to turn 50 next year, excited about what will come in my life and living my life to the full while I do it.
I am also having an article published on Monday for the lovely ladies at Champagne Cartel. They have a '10 things I know' column and I have written one for them regarding my benign brain tumour. They seem to like it and am interested in others when I get back on my feet. So another ambition ticked off!
I bought a lovely new dress this week. My friend was selling it on a buy/swap and sell site and I loved the look of it. As it was hers I was surprised that it fitted me but I really like how it looks. I'm really starting to notice the next stage in my weight loss now. My tummy can look flattish with my sucky in pants, my chin is no longer quadruple no matter what I do. I can't believe I only have 6 1/2 kilos to go to my goal, it's flown and dragged at the same time.
A new member joined the rapid loss forum yesterday and it was almost like reading a story about myself. Not her personal story, but her weight loss one. Having lost a lot of weight and getting loads of compliments she stalled before reaching goal. I am similar. In the past I would start a weight loss challenge at this weight. Now I think I look pretty good, but I know it's also in comparison to what I looked like at the beginning of the year. I also know I probably look much better at this weight than before because I've been eating really healthy to get down to here, rather than eating really crappy to get up to here! I want to finish, another thing to tick off the list. She also talked about how embarrassing it is to see people who had seen her lose weight the last time, thinking that they must be saying to themselves 'she put it all back on again.' I hear you sister. Aint gonna happen this time!
Speaking of lists, I was very excited to get my Dad's piano delivered yesterday. I have discovered my arty side in my 40s, doing art class which I love and writing my blogs. I've always wanted to learn the piano though. Dad had lessons in his 60s and I am starting mine on Tuesday! I can't wait. I have a very long bucket list, I know I wont be one of those people who never has anything to do because I'm always wanting to learn more. Learning to swim, and eventually to surf are on my list too. I feel that I am in such a good place to turn 50 next year, excited about what will come in my life and living my life to the full while I do it.
I am also having an article published on Monday for the lovely ladies at Champagne Cartel. They have a '10 things I know' column and I have written one for them regarding my benign brain tumour. They seem to like it and am interested in others when I get back on my feet. So another ambition ticked off!
Monday, 18 May 2015
Week 2 after challenge. 82 kilos
Well I'm pleasantly surprised to find that I've lost another kilo. Excited in fact as last week's weigh in was actually on Wednesday instead of Tuesday, I sneakily gave myself another day because of Mother's Day. So in reality I've lost a kilo in 6 days. Seeing as I'm doing stage 3 properly now I'm pretty stoked with that. So, 23 kilos down, 7 kilos to go. I can't believe I'll soon be in the 70s!
I've been fairly constipated lately (sorry for the visual) due to the painkillers I'm taking for my headaches. I'm trying not to take them as often as I was but it's a catch 22, either having a dreadful headache or a dreadful gut-ache. At the moment I've scaled down to 1 strong painkiller instead of 2 and seeing how I go. My tummy is feeling a little better today so hopefully that's working. This does mean however that I am a little bloated.
I'm pleased with my week this week. I've had a few naughty treats but have been aware of what I am doing and not overdone it. I had sweet treats at art class on Friday but not a huge amount. And I took my youngest and her friend to the movies on Sunday and we had lunch there, they had chips and didn't eat them all so I had a few of them. Luckily for me they weren't that generous with them! I also had a choc-top. Both a first for over 4 months, I felt far too full and had a lie down afterwards! But I also had a shake for dinner to make sure I didn't blow the whole day. These are the main things I've got out of this whole experience. Getting back on track is imperative. And not denying what you've eaten. If you conveniently forget then it's easy to say you've been good all week and can have one treat. Forgetting that you've already had some. Also, not making it a free for all if you have strayed. I'm loving the freedom of stage 3, but also loving the new restrained me, the one that says I still have weight to lose and to get back on track. And water, water, water, that's the big one! Imagine what I would have lost if I hadn't strayed at all!
Here's the photos, this week first, then last week. I think I do look thinner actually. Please forgive the toilet duck in the foreground, it shows me which week is which as I'm not too good at putting the photos in order!
I've been fairly constipated lately (sorry for the visual) due to the painkillers I'm taking for my headaches. I'm trying not to take them as often as I was but it's a catch 22, either having a dreadful headache or a dreadful gut-ache. At the moment I've scaled down to 1 strong painkiller instead of 2 and seeing how I go. My tummy is feeling a little better today so hopefully that's working. This does mean however that I am a little bloated.
I'm pleased with my week this week. I've had a few naughty treats but have been aware of what I am doing and not overdone it. I had sweet treats at art class on Friday but not a huge amount. And I took my youngest and her friend to the movies on Sunday and we had lunch there, they had chips and didn't eat them all so I had a few of them. Luckily for me they weren't that generous with them! I also had a choc-top. Both a first for over 4 months, I felt far too full and had a lie down afterwards! But I also had a shake for dinner to make sure I didn't blow the whole day. These are the main things I've got out of this whole experience. Getting back on track is imperative. And not denying what you've eaten. If you conveniently forget then it's easy to say you've been good all week and can have one treat. Forgetting that you've already had some. Also, not making it a free for all if you have strayed. I'm loving the freedom of stage 3, but also loving the new restrained me, the one that says I still have weight to lose and to get back on track. And water, water, water, that's the big one! Imagine what I would have lost if I hadn't strayed at all!
Here's the photos, this week first, then last week. I think I do look thinner actually. Please forgive the toilet duck in the foreground, it shows me which week is which as I'm not too good at putting the photos in order!
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
Week 1 after challenge 83 kilos
Well I've had a pretty slack week since finishing my challenge. I think it took me a lot to stay focussed for the last few weeks of the challenge with all of my medical issues but I not only wanted to for the competition but because I don't want to slip up and start going back into my old slacker ways. Finishing meant that I can now be accountable to myself only (and to those who read my blog) and I think that the willpower has to still be there, which I'm happy to say is. Last week, looking forward to Mother's Day eating on Sunday, I think I was slipping here and there though. I went to art class and for the first time partook in sweets there. I drank normal coffee more than once a day. I just did little things that aren't on the program, but it's all the little things that add up isn't it? I did have a bit of the 'oh well, I'm probably going to put on this week anyway with Mother's Day' mentality which is the first time in the whole 16 weeks so I was pretty disappointed in myself there. I haven't done anything majorly wrong, I'm just hoping that I don't lose my focus this close to the end. I'm happy to do the stage 3 experimenting with different combinations for dinner, but I don't want the treats to creep in to my daily routines again. I'm ok with once a week or on special occasions but the 'old' me was having them not just once a day but every bloody cuppa and snack. I feel confident enough to say that my awareness makes me not want to do this any more. As they say, if you want things to change, you need to change what you've always done.
Sunday was obviously the biggest slips but I don't mind that because I did say - way back at Easter - that Mother's Day was the day I wasn't going to watch what I ate at all. And you know what, I didn't really enjoy most of the treats. I asked the kids for a box of the new lindt salted caramel chocolate balls. Every year I get a box of the original red wrapped balls but these ones sounded yummy. We share the box and as I didn't want too much I shared it fairly evenly this time, ending up with just 4 balls which was perfect. I didn't enjoy them as much as the original ones though but that was good in a way, I had enough! I then had bacon and eggs. For some reason Paul thought he'd treat me with the fatty long bits of bacon along with the middle rashers that I would have liked. To me, even before rapid loss, 2 pieces of middle rashers is fine for a serve of bacon. But not for my husband. It's like a jenga game with bacon, let's see how many pieces you can pile up on top of the toast before it topples! As I'm not feeling great at the moment anyway, for the first fried thing in 4 months it wasn't as enjoyable as I'd hoped. Then we went to my inlaws for lunch where I ate quiche. This was lovely but I don't seem to have the appetite that I once had (which is a good thing), though I did finish it. Then, ridiculously so, I defiantly had not 1 but 2 tim tams, almost to make up for my not liking my chocolate balls! It was such a silly thing to do though I did enjoy dipping them in my coffee. We had Crust pizza for tea, Paul didn't want to share with me so I got a garlic prawn one. It was nice enough but they are quite pricey and I like our local pizzas more. I've heard amazing reviews about Crust from a few friends so maybe our local one just isn't that great. Don't get me wrong, I had a lovely day, and the kids were wonderful. I think because I'm not feeling well it was just disappointing that if I was going to be naughty I couldn't even enjoy it that much! AND I had the leftover pizza for lunch the next day which was actually even yummier. I can't waste a $19 pizza, especially with yummy big prawns on it.
Suffice to say I was surprised yesterday morning to weigh in and find I had still lost .2 of a kilo. I was anticipating up to a kilo gain and was prepared for this, getting back on track straight after. In fact I was so worried about it that I didn't bother weighing in each morning as I normally do because I thought I'd depress myself even more! So I guess I got lucky this week, maybe it will show next week. But I suppose also, other than Friday and Sunday I had no other sweet treats. I drank lots of water and I ate healthy meals for my other foods. So even though I cheated, it was a planned cheat if you know what I mean? Not a 'stuff it' treat.
So I'll still put my photos, though I looked so skinny in my full ones last week I can't see that I'll look better in these ones. Never mind though, I'm calling this week 1 again, after the challenge so if I look bigger I'll just consider that I'll keep getting smaller again from now on. And I've got until June the 24th until my operation now, 6 bloody weeks! I wont get my whole 8 kilos off but I'll get close. I'm not even going to pretend that I feel like I have to, I'm happy to lose the last lot slowly over winter and if I just make sure that I lose slowly, I'll concentrate on being prepared for my op. Have a great week everybody! First photo is this week, second is last week xx
Sunday was obviously the biggest slips but I don't mind that because I did say - way back at Easter - that Mother's Day was the day I wasn't going to watch what I ate at all. And you know what, I didn't really enjoy most of the treats. I asked the kids for a box of the new lindt salted caramel chocolate balls. Every year I get a box of the original red wrapped balls but these ones sounded yummy. We share the box and as I didn't want too much I shared it fairly evenly this time, ending up with just 4 balls which was perfect. I didn't enjoy them as much as the original ones though but that was good in a way, I had enough! I then had bacon and eggs. For some reason Paul thought he'd treat me with the fatty long bits of bacon along with the middle rashers that I would have liked. To me, even before rapid loss, 2 pieces of middle rashers is fine for a serve of bacon. But not for my husband. It's like a jenga game with bacon, let's see how many pieces you can pile up on top of the toast before it topples! As I'm not feeling great at the moment anyway, for the first fried thing in 4 months it wasn't as enjoyable as I'd hoped. Then we went to my inlaws for lunch where I ate quiche. This was lovely but I don't seem to have the appetite that I once had (which is a good thing), though I did finish it. Then, ridiculously so, I defiantly had not 1 but 2 tim tams, almost to make up for my not liking my chocolate balls! It was such a silly thing to do though I did enjoy dipping them in my coffee. We had Crust pizza for tea, Paul didn't want to share with me so I got a garlic prawn one. It was nice enough but they are quite pricey and I like our local pizzas more. I've heard amazing reviews about Crust from a few friends so maybe our local one just isn't that great. Don't get me wrong, I had a lovely day, and the kids were wonderful. I think because I'm not feeling well it was just disappointing that if I was going to be naughty I couldn't even enjoy it that much! AND I had the leftover pizza for lunch the next day which was actually even yummier. I can't waste a $19 pizza, especially with yummy big prawns on it.
Suffice to say I was surprised yesterday morning to weigh in and find I had still lost .2 of a kilo. I was anticipating up to a kilo gain and was prepared for this, getting back on track straight after. In fact I was so worried about it that I didn't bother weighing in each morning as I normally do because I thought I'd depress myself even more! So I guess I got lucky this week, maybe it will show next week. But I suppose also, other than Friday and Sunday I had no other sweet treats. I drank lots of water and I ate healthy meals for my other foods. So even though I cheated, it was a planned cheat if you know what I mean? Not a 'stuff it' treat.
So I'll still put my photos, though I looked so skinny in my full ones last week I can't see that I'll look better in these ones. Never mind though, I'm calling this week 1 again, after the challenge so if I look bigger I'll just consider that I'll keep getting smaller again from now on. And I've got until June the 24th until my operation now, 6 bloody weeks! I wont get my whole 8 kilos off but I'll get close. I'm not even going to pretend that I feel like I have to, I'm happy to lose the last lot slowly over winter and if I just make sure that I lose slowly, I'll concentrate on being prepared for my op. Have a great week everybody! First photo is this week, second is last week xx
Monday, 4 May 2015
End of challenge! 83.2 kilos, meaning 21.8 kilos lost!
Woo bloody hoo! I made it! 16 weeks! I really can't believe it. I've started lots of things with great intentions and I don't seem to have many after photos. Especially with so much weight to lose. Before when I've started I've been at the weight I am at now. I started this at 105 kilos! I lost 1.1 kilos this week.
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who's contemplating doing the challenge too. I said to her, when you're bigger it's so scary, there is so much to lose and the thought of 'being on a diet' for so long with no differences apparent for such a long time is so overwhelming that it's just too hard. I kept thinking about how on a different weight loss plan, it would be about now that I might start to see some changes and I would have given up long ago. It's very disheartening to not only feel that crap about yourself, but to be working bloody hard and not seeing any results. That's what happens when for whatever reasons you put lots of weight on. It's an unending spiral of self hatred, feeling depressed because you're so overweight and feel so crappy, making you eat to stuff your feelings back inside. But hey, 4 months ago that's where I was. And I decided to do something about it and it feels great. I am really proud of myself, despite all of the obstacles I've had along the way I've maintained that it's me that has control of my weight, nobody else, and I've done it. Obviously I still have a bit to go, I still have 8 kilos to lose before getting to goal. But bloody hell, it feels great to say that I have 8 kilos to lose rather than 30! So if you're contemplating doing it, do it! I've put it all out there, more than I probably should have perhaps! But hopefully I've shown people that if I can do it, so can you. Of course I'll keep writing and keep losing but it's such a milestone today. With having my operation I didn't even know if I'd be able to finish my 16 week challenge. Now I have finished it, I can move on to the next challenge of getting this pain in the arse tumour taken out of my head. Wonder how much it weighs..........
Here's my photos, the whole bloody lot this time! Woohoo! (I must admit I did suck my tummy in just a little for the last side one. I ate late last night and I thought it looked even bigger. I didn't for the front one though and I think it still looks slimmer. Good to know I can now such it in a bit mind you!)
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who's contemplating doing the challenge too. I said to her, when you're bigger it's so scary, there is so much to lose and the thought of 'being on a diet' for so long with no differences apparent for such a long time is so overwhelming that it's just too hard. I kept thinking about how on a different weight loss plan, it would be about now that I might start to see some changes and I would have given up long ago. It's very disheartening to not only feel that crap about yourself, but to be working bloody hard and not seeing any results. That's what happens when for whatever reasons you put lots of weight on. It's an unending spiral of self hatred, feeling depressed because you're so overweight and feel so crappy, making you eat to stuff your feelings back inside. But hey, 4 months ago that's where I was. And I decided to do something about it and it feels great. I am really proud of myself, despite all of the obstacles I've had along the way I've maintained that it's me that has control of my weight, nobody else, and I've done it. Obviously I still have a bit to go, I still have 8 kilos to lose before getting to goal. But bloody hell, it feels great to say that I have 8 kilos to lose rather than 30! So if you're contemplating doing it, do it! I've put it all out there, more than I probably should have perhaps! But hopefully I've shown people that if I can do it, so can you. Of course I'll keep writing and keep losing but it's such a milestone today. With having my operation I didn't even know if I'd be able to finish my 16 week challenge. Now I have finished it, I can move on to the next challenge of getting this pain in the arse tumour taken out of my head. Wonder how much it weighs..........
Here's my photos, the whole bloody lot this time! Woohoo! (I must admit I did suck my tummy in just a little for the last side one. I ate late last night and I thought it looked even bigger. I didn't for the front one though and I think it still looks slimmer. Good to know I can now such it in a bit mind you!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)